The Kids Are Definitely Not Okay

If you’ve been anywhere in the outside world lately — the supermarket, the gas station, your local bodega — you’ve probably noticed that the energy drink fridge looks wildly different than it did a decade ago. Next to the bro-coded Monsters and Red Bulls of yore (all claw marks and charging beasts) is a new coterie of cans: slim, colorful, covered in fruit illustrations, and promising “natural energy,” better moods, faster metabolisms, and sharper focus.

As I recently reported for VinePair, the biggest shift in energy drinks hasn’t been what’s inside — most are still loaded with caffeine, vitamins, and other (legal) uppers — it’s who they’re for. Originally marketed almost exclusively to men via a kind of Bear Grylls bravado, the category has pivoted hard toward women. Brands like Alani Nu, Celsius, Bloom, and more have side-stepped the liquid masculinity of it all and are now shilling self-optimization: energy as a tool for the #girlbosses to keep up with the impossible marathon of modern life.

You can’t buy them at school, but people, like, sell them to their friends.

Here’s the uh-oh! When you strip away the macho branding, these drinks start reading as benign — even healthy. And the same design language that’s turned them into feminine lifestyle products has also made them irresistible to kids, who are now guzzling them en masse. Annika, a 14-year-old middle schooler from New Jersey, tells me that energy drinks — Alani Nu in particular — are more popular among her peers than soda. “People bring them into class to drink,” she says. “You can’t buy them at school, but people, like, sell them to their friends.”